Predator Boss

The orientation video should have been a warning.

When Darren accepted a job at Xenodyne Solutions, he expected the usual horrors - passive-aggressive Slack threads, a broken printer, a thermostat someone named Karen controlled from a spreadsheet. He did not expect the thermostat to be a hunting tool. He did not expect the break room to be a kill zone. And he definitely did not expect his boss to be an eight-foot alien apex predator who stalked employees by heat signature, collected their office supplies as trophies, and held performance reviews that smelled faintly of ozone and threat.

But here he was. Forty-seventh floor. Flame-retardant lanyard. One shoe missing.

Predator Boss is a first-person survival comedy for anyone who has ever suspected their workplace was actively trying to consume them. Darren narrates his weeks at Xenodyne with the dry precision of a man who has stopped panicking and started documenting - cataloguing trigger words that activate predatory instincts, timing his coffee breaks around mandatory mandible maintenance, developing a Sacrifice Index for team meetings, and eventually signing a contract written in alien script in an HR department that hasn't had a human employee in months.

It is not a story about heroism. It is a story about adaptation. About discovering that the right combination of corporate jargon, moisture-wicking socks, and strategic proximity to Greg from Marketing can keep a person alive through almost anything.

If you've ever sat through a performance review and wondered whether you'd make it out - this book is for you.